A few days ago I did what I had been thinking of doing for a while. No, this is not about my recent obsession with skydiving. This is much more subtle and significant, at least to me: I went out with people I don’t know much, virtual strangers you may say. In other words I went outside my ‘comfort zone’ of a few friends who I mostly hang out with.

Those who know me can testify that I have an introverted personality. If you think otherwise you probably don’t know me very well. Though I may seem extroverted within my self-defined jurisdiction of comfortableness, remember it took me a substantial amount of time and effort to get here. There are a very few people (and I can count on one hand) that I interact with and even fewer that I enjoy or look forward to interacting with. I seriously hope they know who they are (and even more that this feeling is reciprocated)!

Though I have this strong resistance towards change, I want to change myself. Smell the irony?

But, why?

I’ve tried to change this personality trait of mine a few times in the past; and every time I’ve asked myself ‘why?’ After all, I was pretty content within my cozy world with the chosen few, as I called them. So, finding no apparent reason, I didn’t do anything about it. But this time, my question is ‘why not?’ Hmm, now that got me thinking. But again, finding no obvious answers, I’d rather try it, you know, you’ve-got-just-one-life-so-make-the-best-of-it kind of a thing. In better words- I want to embrace the idea that interacting with a variety of people provides more food for thought (that sure appeals to the taste buds in my brain), stimulating and eventually paving the way for a better sense of understanding and open mindedness.

With me so far? This brings me to my next question- How? I’m sure everybody knows, but for the sake of continuity of this blog I’ll mention it anyway- changing any damn thing first requires an acceptance that a change is needed. So here I am, announcing to the world that I am an introvert (how oxymoronic); and that I want to change that.

So, I recently started analyzing where this monster resistance comes from, where it dwells, and how it feeds itself. Lo and behold, the answer to these questions is ‘me’, I mean, literally. It comes from within me, resides in me and I’m the only one who feeds it. The most definite way to get rid of it is to be aware of it- to recognize it and smack it down as soon as it shows up. It is still on the surface but once it moves its abode to a deeper subconscious level, it will act without my knowledge or approval. In other words, it will be immortalized. Now, that’s a sorry thought right there.

I have a lot of thoughts, ideas and opinions worth sharing (or at least so I like to think) and so do a lot of people out there whom I have resisted to talk to. So friends, I’ve got to get to the monster within me before it schedules the movers.

— gtg —